Author Archive
Schlock Shelf – Primeval
Primeval is a film about a bloodthirsty alligator, based on a supposed true event. The giant alligator is wreaking havoc throughout Africa, and the villagers are getting scared to go in the water, despite it being their life source. Some American journalists are sent over…
READ MORESchlock Shelf – Shark Swarm
Shark Swarm starts with a group of fisherman dumping barrels of what I assume is something toxic into the ocean/bay. The fish are eating this toxic stuff and then a shark swims up and eat the contaminated fish. Flash to an awful montage of CGI…
READ MORESchlock Shelf – Hobo With a Shotgun
Hobo With a Shotgun is a grindhouse film about a transient man (played by Rutger Hauer) who rolls into a town under the control of Drake—a really bad guy. Rutger blasts his way through the town, despite the townspeople having turned on him. With the…
READ MOREFilm Review – Missing Pieces
Missing Pieces is an independent project shot on an extremely small budget. The creators of this project put a lot of effort into this film, especially in the camerawork, the varied locations, and feel of this film. The film is about a guy going through…
READ MORESchlock Shelf – (The Swedish Bikini Team in) Never Say…Never Mind
The film opens in the rural countryside of England, present day (which appears to be the 8’s, even though the film was shot in 2003). An SUV pulls up to a mansion and out pop four hot blonde women dressed in sheer outfits—guess who? There…
READ MORESchlock Shelf – The Seduction of Dr. Fugazzi
The Seduction of Dr. Fugazzi is a Troma film starring Faye Dunaway. (How did that happen, again? Does Lloyd Kaufman have dirt on poor Faye and blackmailed her into this film?) Mr. Carducci is talking to a shrink about being a pedophile. The shrink is…
READ MORESchlock Shelf – Undefeatable
A guy with a sweet perm-mullet is a professional street fighter, but is too rough with his lady. His lady talks to her shrink and the shrink convinces the lady she should leave the guy because he’s a total douche. She leaves the guy (who…
READ MOREFilm Review – 13 Assassins
When I heard Takashi Miike’s film 13 Assassins would be shown at the Minneapolis St. Paul International Film Festival, I knew I had to go. I didn’t even care what genre of film it was. Normally, Miike is known for his mind-melting horror films, but…
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