Schlock Shelf
Schlock Shelf – Razortooth
Razortooth is another forgettable film about a genetically mutated swamp creature that escapes and begins killing innocent townspeople. This film is totally different, though, since it’s a killer EEL instead of a crocodile or shark. Oh wait, it isn’t different at all. And of course,…
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Schlock Shelf – Doomed To Consume
Doomed to Consume (2006) starts out like a first-person shooter game, killing zombies POV with a shotgun in the woods. Very motion-sickness inducing. Flash to a kitchen with knocked-over chairs, and then to a cornfield. A redheaded girl is in a house lounging around in…
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Schlock Shelf – Shutter
Shutter (2008) is a horror film that was shot in Japan and tells the story of a newly married couple who can’t get rid of a ghost. The husband is a photographer, sent to Japan on a long-term assignment, who brings his wife along to…
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Schlock Shelf – Wound
Wound is an independent horror film from David Blyth that takes the viewer through a sort of sado-masochistic, sexually dysfunctional, mentally disturbed Australian woman’s spiral into bizarro-world. There’s plenty of bodily fluids, yelling, gravedigging, mask-wearing, and gratuitous breasts to satiate the average horror fan, but…
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Schlock Shelf – Hot Skin 3D
I would try to explain to you how 3D pornography blurs the line between awesome and horrific, as well as disgusting and hilarious, but I can’t. Suffice it to say, it isn’t arousing. It wasn’t arousing in the ’70s, and watching a movie from the…
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Schlock Shelf – Primeval
Primeval is a film about a bloodthirsty alligator, based on a supposed true event. The giant alligator is wreaking havoc throughout Africa, and the villagers are getting scared to go in the water, despite it being their life source. Some American journalists are sent over…
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Schlock Shelf – Shark Swarm
Shark Swarm starts with a group of fisherman dumping barrels of what I assume is something toxic into the ocean/bay. The fish are eating this toxic stuff and then a shark swims up and eat the contaminated fish. Flash to an awful montage of CGI…
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Schlock Shelf – Hobo With a Shotgun
Hobo With a Shotgun is a grindhouse film about a transient man (played by Rutger Hauer) who rolls into a town under the control of Drake—a really bad guy. Rutger blasts his way through the town, despite the townspeople having turned on him. With the…
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