Film Review – The Twilight Saga: New Moon

The Twilight Saga: New Moon is part two of the 4-book teen series about vampires. The film picks up where it left off after the first film – hot high school girl, Bella, is in love with attractive pale and creepy Edward, a vampire. Edward’s family are all vampires and live in the woods of the Pacific Northwestern United States because the sun doesn’t come out there.

People are getting suspicious of Edward’s family not aging, so it’s time for them to move, and leave Bella behind. To kill time, Bella hangs with local beautiful Native American boy, Jacob. Bella likes Jacob, but not as much as he likes her. Jacob turns into a werewolf, whose job it is to protect people against vampires (more specifically, the vampires who are after Edward’s family and now Bella – even more specifically, extremely hot Victoria). The only time Bella can see Edward in her head is when she does something dangerous, so she’s gets all wreckless-angst-ridden teen and he pops up every once in a while to wag his finger not to do whatever she’s doing. Edward sees Bella jump off a cliff, but doesn’t realize it’s just for fun, so thinking she’s dead, he goes to the council of vampires and asks to kill himself. She has to run to Italy to stop it, with the help of Edwards smokin’ hot sister. Yes, you have to describe these people as hot/attractive because there are no ugly people in these films (especially the females).

Despite all my friends raging on about how these films teach bad morals to teen girls (like all films), and despite there being far too much awful CGI for my taste, and despite not being a teen girl nor a ghey hair dresser like the rest of the people in my group, and despite not having read the books, I went to see this film. It does have a couple really laughable scenes (and everyone laughed – not in a good way) in which there’s happy music playing and they’re running through the forest and also when Jacob would take his shirt off at every opportunity, and that Edward has terrible eye contact for some reason, and that they steal a Porsche in Italy even though they make Lamborghinis and Ferraris there.

The movie itself is fine, plotwise. I could care less if it’s teaching underage girls that dating older creepy guys is ok or that love is pain and the only kind of love that is acceptable. Whatever. But there are enough scenes where you yell “bullshit” that it’s leaning more towards NOT good than good. Unless you are a teen girl or a hairdresser with the ghey, I wouldn’t spend the money on this film. You’ll be either disappointed in the film or angry at yourself for killing the time.

(And *I* had to go see this film because I’m assuming no one else at MacGuffin would stoop this low – or is as creepy around teenage girls as I am…)

(2 out of 5 fus)


I'm a cross between Taylor Swift and Danzig, with a small dose of Christpher Burke thrown in. I like fried foods wrapped in bacon and I collect B-movies and kung-fu films. I host a regularly-occuring Bad Movie Night for 20-30 of my closest friends—jealous, aren't you?

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