Schlock Shelf – Doomed To Consume

August 30th, 2012 | POSTED BY Chad Eng

Doomed to Consume (2006) starts out like a first-person shooter game, killing zombies POV with a shotgun in the woods. Very motion-sickness inducing. Flash to a kitchen with knocked-over chairs, and then to a cornfield. A redheaded girl is in a house lounging around in slutty clothes while holding a shotgun. A random girl crawls into the redhead’s yard because a zombie is chasing her. The redhead shoots the zombie and takes the random girl inside to fix up her injured leg.

A bunch of college-aged guys are driving down the road throwing things at zombies attacking civilians, when they realize it’s the last of their food supply they’ve just thrown at a zombie. When the college kids run out of gas, they end up at the redhead’s house looking for food and gas. The college kids end up shooting the injured girl when she attacks them all zombie-style. The newly formed group then heads out to find the car they left when they ran out of gas. There just happens to be gas in the basement of the house they were squatting in—since I guess that’s where people keep their gas cans in Iowa.

The boys are headed to their uncle’s house to see if he’s still alive. When they find no one home, they do some scouting to see if there are supplies. The girl comes clean about how she’s escaped the zombies up until now and the head college boy tries to figure out why she hates everyone. This is where we begin to see really poorly made-up zombies, including some really bad dummies, and a couple of zombies that are dead, but still breathing. The college kid falls down the stairs in what looks like a stunt gone wrong, but that director Jason Stephenson left in anyway. OUCH for falling/sliding down basement stairs. Wow. Then, Red goes on a vigilante justice zombie killing spree, wearing leather clothes she shouldn’t.

Wait. Then the movie just ends—a really pointless ending that I’m not sure I got. Maybe there wasn’t anything to get. Maybe it was a “Point A to Point B” movie without any excitement, tension, or plot twists. That’s really not a worthwhile film project, in my opinion.

Also: lots of handheld camera work. Oh my god, make it stop.

(1 out of 5 fus)

Doomed to Consume, Jason Stephenson, Nicole Blessing, Zombie